Episode 6: Solo: The Art of Self-Talk and Preparation

In this episode, your host, Karey Miles, delves into her mental state and methods of preparation for her first 60k ultra marathon on the Black Canyon Trail (BCT) in AZ.

She starts by giving a brief run down of the BCT and the race and her experiences on the trail in the past.

 To help you understand where her years of experience on the bike and in other athletic disciplines have helped her prepare mentally for this race, she delves into her history as an athlete and how she has learned to work hard.

She hopes that by sharing her methods of being prepared and dealing with setbacks and potential negative self-talk,  listeners might find comfort that  they are not alone  if you have self-doubts going into your next adventure. She hopes that you can find some ways to find positive self-talk and strength from within yourself.

Karey does get a bit emotional at the end - unexpectedly, so bear with her as she navigates all the feels this week!  Thanks for tuning in! 

IG: @BlackCanyonUltras

Info about Black Canyon Ultras

Transcript

  All right. Hey, y'all welcome back! It is the first week of the month. So I figured I'd treat you to another little solo episode to kick off the month.  By now, y'all have completely gone off the rails of your new year's resolutions. And we are back to the daily grind, right?  I applaud any of you who are still going at it. Keep up the great work! And for those who forgot about your resolution to brush your teeth every day, it's never too late to start fresh. So get back on that horse!

 I wanted to give a huge shout out to those who are still on board for this adventure train. I appreciate the feedback I've been getting and sending love to all the folks who are coming on board for future episodes. I cannot wait for what is coming up in the next few weeks. Please share with your friends and family and make sure to like, and subscribe, so I get more visible and so we can share our adventure stories together. 

And with that, let's talk about our topic of the day, which is the Art of Self-talk and Preparation. As I was thinking about what to talk about with this, I've been mulling over because it's been quite the week. 

I'm preparing for a big race, which I'll talk about in a second, and I've had a lot of self doubts and nervousness and all the things that I think are normal when we're getting ready to do anything big in our lives. And I think that self-talk is a really big thing. It can make or break us basically. And sometimes I feel like I try and I do a pretty good job of staying away from… even when I'm in my deep dark spaces in adventures or in life or whatever. I do a pretty good job of navigating away and turning the negative self-talk off. 

But I don't necessarily always turn on the positive self-talk. Like, I can turn off the negative pretty well, but then what's left is just this, I don't know, not an empty space, but just this…what else do I need? I need that self-pep-talk person that's  doing that.  

I think that a lot of us, myself included, depend on other people to pep us up, which is great. 

I love a good support system. But sometimes we only rely on that and then when that's not there, we don't even know where to look for it, but really it's within ourselves. So that's where I want to go with this a little bit. 

But so going back to this race that I'm getting ready to run. So I will be running my first, ever 60k ultra marathon on the Black Canyon Trail here in Arizona.  And that's going to be this Sunday.  So this will be released on Tuesday the 6th, so the race is February the 11th, and I am both excited and nervous. 

But I just wanted to give you a little bit of history about the Black Canyon Trail because it is…  It's a really beautiful area in Arizona and it is by far one of the most rugged and just astounding places that I've seen in Arizona. I've had the opportunity to adventure out there quite a few times, two times of which I have been able to be self-supported bike packing, with my partner, as well as some friends and every time it is just a buck kicker, but it's also just so beautiful. 

It has amazing views, flora, fauna, all the things. The race actually is a very well-known race and actually the 100k, which is going on Saturday is a Golden Ticket race. So it is highly competitive because people who do well in that race, the top places get entry into Western States. So it's a highly competitive race. 

So the race starts in mayor, which is just north of the Phoenix Metro area. It takes about, I don't know, like 50 minutes for us to get to at least a Black Canyon City and a little bit longer up to Mayer. The race course follows the Black Canyon Trail, which is a single track that runs a total of 80 miles, running from south to north to south, whichever way you ride it. 

If you go north to south, which is the direction we'll be running, it is net downhill. But when you're actually on the trail, yes, there's significant downhill, but it's definitely up and down and up and down and up and down. So it is not just “Ooh, we're running down or riding down the whole time.” It is a very fatiguing trail. This trail is one of my favorite bits of Sonoran desert beauty. It has everything a person could want in a desert adventure. There are mountains, valleys, riverbeds, a variety of cacti, birds, lizards, and desert wildlife. And there are rocks, like…lots of rocks and ups and downs, like I mentioned, so needless to say this route isn't an easy one. 

And it also has, if you're doing the full trail, you actually get to cross the Agua Fria twice or three times, I think?  Portions of it are completely dry and they hardly ever have water, but there are a couple sections of it that, especially after rainfall, which we've been getting,  are quite full. So the 100k folks get to wade across the river, but the 60k folks don't have to do that. 

So going back to the trail, the BCT began as a prehistoric native American pathway  the trail was originally designed as a livestock highway where they could navigate the livestock,  in between settlements. 

 My recent run that I did as a shakedown run last weekend. I encountered Ms. Bessie, the cow on my course preview. And I had to shoo her off the trail, but she ran ahead of me for a few minutes and then finally ducked off. Once the trail opened a little bit, and then proceeded to let me know via mooing that I was in her neck of the woods and not the other way around. 

 Anyway,  the thoroughfare was dedicated in 1969 as the Black Canyons trail area and in ‘87, it was brought into a recreation agreement with the Maricopa and Yavapai counties. The whole area, the Black Canyon Corridor, consists of 4,000 acres, so it's quite large. This thoroughfare is for bikers, hikers, and also horses, equestrians. There are points of the trail that have picnic areas, shaded areas, restrooms and then parking on various points of the trail. So it's really easy to get out and enjoy the different parts because there's quite a few different access points. And then the point actually near where we're finishing it also brings you within a mile of the famous Black Canyon City pie shop, which is definitely worth a visit. If you are a Pie Connoisseur they have about every kind you'd ever want. And it is absolutely delicious.

 Like I said, I've ridden my bike on the trail a handful of times and completed the majority of it almost from complete start to finish on loaded, self-supported bikes. And it, like I said, it really is rugged. It's very rocky, it's down and up through the washes and it's not an easygoing trail.  

So before I get into kind of my thoughts about this week and what has happened, I want to step back just a little bit and talk about my history as an athlete and adventure. And more specifically how it led to me as a runner. The first thing I will say is that. If you would've told me a year ago that I would be running a 60k on the Black Canyon Trail, I would have told you to go put a sock in it…or probably something worse.  Actually, I would probably ask how much money someone paid me to do such a stupid thing. But now it's the other way around and I've actually paid to put myself through this torture. So I don't know what I was thinking, but apparently four months ago, or whenever I sent it for this race, I was very gung ho. So back to my journey to where I am this week. 

 I think I've always been like some sort of mediocre athlete. I do well enough if I try enough, if I try hard enough. If I'm in shape and I really have something that I'm trying for, I generally can get fit enough to potentially win…historically, I've won some bike races. And I'm fit enough to have fun, be competitive, help teammates if I needed and just be a general all around good rider or athlete. I've always had to try really hard though. 

Some people, I think, yes, they try hard, but it's also just in their genes. And there's those people that are just always really talented…And I'm not one of those people. I have to work really hard and through that, I think I've gained a mentality of  being willing to work that hard and knowing what I need to do to get where I want to be. And I am grateful for a body and a mind that allows me to push myself. 

When I went to middle school, for example, I had never played basketball except for maybe like in church league and I wasn't very good. But in middle school, I tried out anyway. I made the B-team in eighth grade and I thought, oh, this is pretty fun, had a lot of friends on the team. And I was like, I'm going to work really hard to learn everything that I can.  And then I tried out again in ninth grade and I made varsity. Now I wasn't the best athlete and I did not make every shot by any means. I could not make a three-pointer if you paid me, my layups were crap, I was pretty good at free throws. But! I was really good at defense. And also, you can bet that I ran the second fastest ladders run…like the, the second fastest of all the gals in tryouts. And I think that the coaches saw that drive in me and gave me a chance. And it really helped me grow. I learned a lot of things that year. And that's how things would go for other things, dance team, soccer in high school, and beyond. Maybe I didn't get it on the first shot, but I give it my best and keep learning.  And eventually I'd be able to do well enough that I could make that cut. 

Then there was a large gap in my life after high school where I didn't participate and organized sports. I still liked to adventure outside, but it was like, I don't know…urban adventures, nothing too big and no backpacking or big cycling or anything like that. 

In fact I hadn't touched a bike in years and years. Maybe I'd go to the gym. I've briefly mentioned in other episodes that I wasn't necessarily living in a healthy lifestyle. Drugs, alcohol cigarettes were a huge part of my life and fitness didn't really have much space because of that. 

So that changed the winter after I quit smoking, I connected with some folks that rode and raced road bikes through my roommate at the time. And as most things in life, I started asking questions and I saw what they were doing and I just went for it. So long story short, I started riding my roommate's fixed gear all over town. 

I was in Eugene, Oregon at the time, at the University of Oregon and I was having a blast. I ended up meeting the person I would eventually start dating, and they supplied me with an old-school steel frame, 1970s. Univega bicycle with down-tube shifters, had the original bar tape that was falling apart, heavy-as-hell rim brakes…not a good bike at all. 

But I went on my first ever group ride with the U of O cycling team that Fall on that bike. I put clipless pedals on it and probably fell over five times, but I was hooked and I ended up getting my first actual road bike with student loans and the rest is history. 

That said, I truly believe that cycling has changed my life both for good. And it's also brought some challenges along with it. But besides my music, it's like one of the only things that I've been able to stick with for a very long time. Since then I transitioned mostly to dirt and adventure riding versus racing on the road. And especially even racing, I stay away from now on my bike, except for maybe adventure racing. I felt like I finally got into Enduro racing and I did really well the first couple of times, but then I got into a not-very-healthy spiral of negative self-talk and behavior when it came to racing. Especially in the enduros, I couldn't really get a handle on my…desire to be fast and just push myself. I was too big for my britches. Like, I would send it too big for my abilities and my heart and my adrenaline was too loud and too big for my eyes…basically, so I kept getting injured. So I took a step back and I'm actually really glad I did because it helped me continue to keep that love for biking and it allowed me to find more of the adventure side of cycling. And, my love for biking in the backcountry continues to blossom every year. 

I think, especially with my move to Arizona four years ago, it ignited the flame even more. And I have been able to experience so many parts of the world that I wouldn't have otherwise on the bike and I wouldn't trade it for anything. So, I have a general athletic history behind me, which allows me to feel pretty confident and comfortable in whatever I'm doing. And I'm very grateful for that. 

So this brings me to running…something, again, that I never thought I would be doing. But last spring, during a backpacking adventure with my friends, Heather and Aliza, Heather, who is a very experienced runner (We call her fast donkey), mentioned that she wanted to make a running goal because she hadn't raced since giving birth to her daughter a couple of years past. So somehow I got roped into agreeing to this adventure and decided that it might be fun to dabble in some running for her sake, of course, and try to train for something completely different. I was feeling a little burnt out on the bike, especially the technical stuff. ‘Cause again, I kept getting injured from like stupid crashes and  I was just ready for something that I could feel confident about. Now I was losing my confidence on the bike and I just wasn't feeling it in my head. I was doing more cross-country style riding and that was really good. I really like being out there on the trail and on my bike, but I just needed something a little bit different.

 I wanted something of my own, where I could be outside and getting the rush of being in nature and the outdoors. But that I didn't have to worry, at least not as much, about getting injured as I did on the bike. And to just feel more confident being in my body and being able to train on my own and not to mention, I can go out for a run and get a significant workout in moreso than I can on the bike. The bike just takes a little bit more time and energy. So I agreed to do this race with Heather.  

Now… If you haven't figured it out by now, I am the type of person who likes to do all the things. And that includes also doing other research of training plans and. And I like to take it on myself. That said, I fully believe in the benefits of hiring a coach and eventually if I stick with the running thing I think that's something that I'd like to…go in that direction, but in this first training bit a coach can definitely be very beneficial, both for knowledge of the sport, as well as having somebody motivate you and to be in a paid accountabil-a-buddy. 

But I decided to do as much research as I could and find a plan. That I liked. And then I created a plan for myself for the half marathon. And because I had Heather, we became each other as accountabil-a-buddies, which you'll hear about in a later episode. It was quite an exciting process of putting my body and mind through something new.

 I found that mentally my mind…was the same as when I was riding. So even though my body was going through something different, I could push through because in my brain I was like, “it's okay. We know how to do this. We know how to push through when something is either boring or hard or, oh, this isn't very comfortable.” So that part of it, I was well equipped. 

But, I found that cycling didn't necessarily transfer to running fitness. I would get out of breath really easily. My muscles hurt, but I still felt strong-ish either way. And, the more that I learned through watching videos and talking with other runners and running with other people I found that consistency is key as with most things in life. 

And I found out also that I could do more than I thought I could. So as the half-marathon came closer, I was nervous and I was feeling like my long runs just felt so difficult. And at that time, my long run was like eight miles. And then 10 miles I think is what I topped out at….or maybe 12. 

I think I did a 12 mile, like a couple of weeks before and then tapered off. And it was really hard. Even, I was trying to run super, super slow. That’s was what they tell you: slow is fast. But then I realized that bit by bit, the shorter runs were starting to become easier. And I was like, okay, this is going to happen.

 I won't go into the whole run-down in my half marathon because I think Heather and I are going to talk about that later, but let's just say I did hit my goal time and we had a blast and I am so grateful that I had Heather's support for that adventure.It went way better than I even thought it would. So that was super awesome. 

So fast forward to this week and I have, since then, competed in a 50k ultra, the San tan Scramble that's put on by Aravaipa Rides or Aravaipa Runs…I forget what sport I'm doing. Who is an amazing race promoter company that is here in Arizona. They do races all around the Southwest and they are fantastic. So I'd highly recommend any of the races! But anyway, back to business…

 I completed the San Tan also within my goal time and I actually never really felt… I think there was one, five minute span where I was like, “oh my gosh, I'm so tired.”  And I had a little knee pain that I was like, “oh no, this can't be happening.” But  overall,  my gentleness was that I came in with no expectations, except for having this goal time, but I was like, even though I have that goal time, I'll probably take longer, to my support crew, AKA Patty. And I didn't even look at my watch once, while I was running. I made sure just to eat consistently, I made sure to take little stretch breaks. It was a looped race, so I got to see my support crew, Patty after every 10 miles and it was great and I finished strong and I felt confident the entire time. 

 So…That said, I'm about to race my first 60k: The Black Canyon Trail Race that's coming up on Sunday, and here's where my running fairytale starts to take a bit of a turn. Let's just say the wicked knee of the east has come to haunt and torture me. So during the 50k,  like I mentioned, I started feeling a little bit of soreness in my knee, but I was able to finish the race pain-free so that was great. After the race, I tried my best to keep up with my mobility and stretching took ice baths, epsom salt baths,  the whole bit. 

I did a couple of very short, easy runs,, but I came to find that my knee was hurting pretty badly. And the lightness and the confidence that I felt when I was running and then I felt at San tan began to crumble away. The following week I started feeling crummy, both health wise, but also my depression and anxiety started to take hold. And I really didn't even leave the house for a whole week. I was still trying to do my stretches and stuff, but I was just so frustrated and so disheartened that  I had raced this race, which was supposed to be a checkpoint race. And now I'm potentially out of commission for my goal race. So here I am like, two and a half weeks out from my key race and I couldn't run without pain. 

And so as you can imagine, I just didn’t know what to do. So after I started feeling a little bit better health-wise I went back and saw my PT, Meghan, who is a rock star runner and a rockstar PT. And she's been helping me and I'm trying to trust in the process. She's given me some really great strengthening…she's all about the strengthening. 

She's saying, “yes. I know it hurts, but also you got to keep moving.” And so I'm trying to trust the process and sure enough, a couple of weeks ago. She's like “just try to run easy just a little bit, even if it's a little painful at first, try to push through and see if it goes away” and sure enough, I was able to run three miles and then I was able to run a five mile run. And then, and of course these are all easy. I'm not working on speed. I'm not working on anything like that. And mind you at this point, I'm supposed to be tapering anyway. And tapers are hard! You're running all these big miles and then all of a sudden a week or so later you have to start tapering back and you start to have all the feels of… Did I do too much? Am I not doing enough? This feels like I'm being lazy. And really your body… that's when the magic happens is during the taper. I just feel like I had  a forced early taper and that's what I'm trying to keep in mind. 

 And as I am starting to run again, it has gotten better. I've also had my massage therapist, Treisha, who is amazing. I have this little team that's rallying around me… I have my partner in crime, Patty, who has been really great. But this said, I've been sitting here this week and trying to stay out of my head, but I just don't feel the same confidence that I did when I was going into the San Tan and that worries me a little bit because I know that more than half, I don't know what they say…85% of ultras or big adventures are mental and the rest is physical and I'm like, “oh no, if I, if I'm not a hundred percent physical, then I don't feel like I can be a hundred percent mental. And what does that mean to me?” And then it made me realize, as I have been thinking this week, and as I've been doing a little bit of soul searching that I can't be the only one that's in this boat. I've heard from other people, even Meghan, my PT is like, “oh yeah, I have other patients this week and they're dealing…”.

 I think it happens also as people ramp up their mileage, then they start to feel all these things. 

And they start to have doubts, even if they were a hundred percent feeling a hundred percent. They start like second guessing, especially maybe folks that don't have as much experience with this type of thing. You're stepping into the unknown. And so when there's something that doesn't go as planned, that does not help the matter. So I know that…the desire to step up to that start line with a confident heart and head is up to me. 

I've gotten pep talks, like I said, from Patty and from Meghan, at my PT and from my good friend, Heather, and others. But I realized,  thinking this week,  that this has to come from me because they're not going to be right there while I'm running and they're not going to be there when I'm maybe considering quitting and all the things. 

 Cause I want to try to prepare myself for these dark moments during the race, because they're going to happen. I am going to have knee pain. That's point blank. I am going to have some pain in my posterior tib area. That's just a fact of the matter. So I want to figure out how I can talk myself through this and be able to push myself as much as I can and not let my mind be lagging because one of the things needs to be strong…Either my mental…if my physical isn't 100%, I've got to get out there with my mental game. So I think one of the things that I've learned about… many of us that do these big adventures and we push ourselves hard, is that we get a little Type-A about the race and about our training and about ourselves, whether it's Type A or OCD, whatever you want to, wherever you fall in that spectrum of category. 

And I realize, at least for me, it's about choosing to be out there. So that's one thing that I choose. I made that decision. And the I do everything else I can leading up to the race or the event to make things go smoothly. So whether it's an adventure or race, this includes, but definitely it's not limited to: my training, self care, nutrition, planning the race, knowing where my aid stations are, planning my outfits, I'm training my support crew to help them know how they can best help me during the race, I'm planning my hydration. If I run an adventure, planning my water stops… like all the things. These are all things that you can plan, but when one of those things, let's say training, or let's say a creek is dry during your adventure or whatever it is, it just, you start to feel like you're not in control anymore. 

And so thinking about this and knowing that there are… a plethora of things that could go wrong or not go the way we plan it at any given time during your event, anything could happen. And so that's one of the things I realized upon thinking that, like, how I can apply my experience with my bike adventures to this running adventure. 

So I've learned from my bike adventures that sometimes you have to go with Plan Z. If A, B and C don't work, if Plan Z gets you to the finish line (or home), no matter what that looks like, then that's better than no plan at all. And for example, like even RAAZ when we raced last May (the Race Across Arizona, it's a gravel route. I ended up getting really sick on the third day. So we were exactly halfway in and I ended up getting really sick and our finish line ended up being halfway through, which is Williams because I ended up with in the urgent care with COVID and our Plan Z was that we had to get picked up by a friend and all of us rode with the windows down or drove with the windows down and me asleep in the back of the car like four hours from Williams back to Phoenix to get home. 

So that was plan Z. But that's what happened. And I couldn't do anything…it was outside of my control. We did what we could. We hit our goal thus far, and then that's how we had to get home. It was different than we thought, but, if you get home, then that's better than not getting home at all. I was thinking…how do we prepare ourselves for a big thing like this, and still go into it with our heads held high and our hearts full, even if things aren't going as planned?

So for me, I think it's going to be shifting my goals a little bit. Initially, BCT was my key race of the spring season. My goal was to go race hard and leave it all out there, and to finish as strong as I could, and to hit or beat my goal time. But especially after the San tan race, I was like, so stoked. And I was like, “oh my gosh, I'm going to be able to hit my goal time for, if everything goes well at BCT,” but seeing how my knee is probably going to have a say in the matter, like pretty loudly, I feel like I can still do all those things. Like, I can finish as strong as I can. I can leave it all out there. I can go hard, but it might not be the same hard that I did at one of my training rides or in San tan, or it may not be my hardest that I ever can go because I have limiters now. And that's okay. 

And that goal time? What is the goal time anyway?  This is my first 60k!  I have never run this course before!  I have never done a 60k before! Yes. I've looked at previous times, but I don't know any of these runners. I don't know how I stack up against them nor do I even want to compare myself. And so I'm like, yes, I want to have some checkpoint goals along the way to keep me motivated and keep me going. But internally I want to be prepared to have the confidence to go on even if I fall behind the estimated checkpoints that I have set for myself. This is nobody else that is setting these for me, except for me. So that being said,  I can change those checkpoint times if I want. And that's okay.

Again, going back to the 85% mental or 80% mental, 20% physical, knowing that, this week I have been taking myself through a process of accepting the things I can not change, and having the confidence in the things that are going well. So I wanted to share just a few of the things that I've been thinking about tonight in hopes that maybe in your next adventure, if you are having self doubt or you are having a hard time with a negative self-talk or your goals or whatnot maybe aren't going as you planned that it can give you some things to think about and knowing that you're not the only one out there. 

So….

#1: All the work leading up to this date is not for naught. My body has gone through infinite changes these past months.  And what I'm asking of it is huge and it is rising to the challenge.  

My knee is a part of that journey and though it is speaking a bit loudly right now, I respect that it is responding to all that I have asked of it and I will treat it the best I can… [Pause]

…Ah, I’m getting a little emotional….

… And give it the tender care it needs leading up to, and after the race. 

#2: I should be and am proud of the things I am doing right now. I never in a million years I thought I'd even be able to run more than five miles straight through. And now I'm running a race, an ultra distance at that,  and enjoying it (for the most part).

#3: Even if I do not meet my original goals, that's okay. There's always Plan Z, and just like in life, sometimes I tend to like Plan Z, so why not this weekend as well? 

#4: Getting to the start line is more than I thought I'd be doing as of six months ago. so that's a win for me and anything on top of that is dairy-free whipped cream with a cherry on top. I will try my damnedest to finish this race. But if I don't, I'm not letting anyone down, including myself.  I will push myself further than I think I can.  And then at that point, if I can confidently and without a shadow of a doubt, say that I cannot go any further, then I will bow out with pride, knowing that I gave it my best shot…. [Choking up a bit…]

You guys….. 

And lastly, #5: There will be low points in this race, even if my knee were 100%, and that is to be expected. This isn't a walk in the park. It is a very long slog through mountains and valleys and riverbeds and beyond.  I choose this. I choose to suffer. I choose to push.  

And I choose to grow….

All right.  So that's that. Felt good. I wasn't expecting to get emotional...  

Anyway!  I want to give a shout out to all y'all that are pushing yourselves in your lives right now.  Discomfort is key for growth, and I know it's not easy. Whether you are about to head out on a new adventure or start a job or whatever, you've got this! Be as prepared as you can, but also be prepared to go with the flow. 

If things happen outside of your control, it'll probably lead you to things that you least expected.  And I can't wait to go experience some types of fun with all of these other folks that are crazy enough to run the BCT alongside me. It'll be an experience to remember that's for sure. And with that, I hope you fill your minds and your heart with some positive self-talk and be prepared as possible, and then go with the flow.

 I hope you have an awesome day … Or an awesome night… whatever time you're listening to this and have some awesome adventures! 

Signing out!