Episode 4: The Art of Sobriety, with your host, Karey Miles

During this solo episode, Karey ventures a bit into "life" Type 2 Fun and talks shares her experience of sobriety with y'all.  She ventures into her journey to sobriety and likens her experiences to those on the trail in the wilderness.  

If your experience doing a Sober January goal has got you thinking more about putting down the drink, or if you know someone who needs a bit of encouragement in their sober journey, hopefully y'all get a bit of inspiration from Karey's journey.  

Listener alert: Karey does talk at length about alcohol and substance abuse, so if that is a trigger, feel free to skip this episode.  

Happy adventuring!

SAMHSA's National Helpline website: 
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Transcript

KAREY: 

All right! So welcome to this episode of the art of type two fun. I am your host Karey Miles. And today is a solo episode. I'm kind of…going out on a limb for this episode. I've just been feeling like I want to talk about it since it's January. And so this is a little bit different than our normal outdoor adventure that sufferfest episodes. But let's get to it! 

I do want to put a quick disclaimer at this point. I will be talking about alcohol abuse, sobriety, and that kind of thing, so if that's a trigger for you, feel free to skip this episode, but hopefully you might get something out of it. I also want to say that I do understand that everyone's relationship with substances is that of their own, and that I, in no way, place judgment on those who imbibe in their substances. Everybody does that on their own level, or not, and chooses not to, or chooses to. So, I share my support for those who struggle with addiction and applaud those who are trying their best every day to be the best version of themselves in whatever shape or form that is. 

So with that … welcome! We usually on this episode are talking about all things suffering in the outdoors for you. For for those of you who are just joining me, thank you. Make sure to check out my first episode where you can get to know me a little bit better and then also check out our other guests’ episodes you'll be seeing on our podcast. A few guest episodes, a few panel episodes and then also some of these, which are my solo episodes. 

If you are returning, thank you for tuning in again. I truly appreciate your support in this endeavor. So first things first, I am excited to have finally gotten the wheels rolling on this pod. I have stalled and hesitated and gone through all the excuses in the book. Not to publish and I just kept coming back to you. Just got to do it, like, why not? Can't hurt, right? So here we are.  I mentioned in one of the first episodes that this has been a bit of a cathartic experience for me even already even with the inception of this, because it's gotten me out of my comfort zone, which I, I hate to say, but I love it's one of those type two fun things as well, where I really love to grow and in order and learn. And in order to do that, I have to get outside of my comfort zone. And also, I get to share my experiences with you, and then through that, I also get to host some amazing guests who are women in the outdoors and women adventures and like-minded folk to myself (and hopefully to you) and really sharing that has been so wonderful.  I'm really grateful for that. 

So, today I wanted to talk about  one of my most type two fun experiences that I've had in my life and what it means for me now that I'm four years and five months almost... I'm probably at the point that this is published four years and five months into it. (Not that I'm counting or anything.) And I'll explain more as we go. 

So, it's currently mid-January for me, mid- to late-January, and hopefully it's still January when this is published.  And well, I'm not one that is much for new year's resolutions, I've always got goals floating around in the back of my mind. It seems like my approach to goals is always… I have something to get stuck in my mind in some shape or form, and I know it's there. 

And then I hem and haw and I do a little bit of research or learning, and then it usually just goes on the back burner. And I like to think of it as kind of like blossoming or like, it's like a nice sourdough. It's just fermenting back there, getting really flavorful and things like that. And then one day it seems like I'm just like, okay, today's the day I'm going to make it happen. I envisioned or like little tiny workers in the back of my brain, like building a little platform, a little stage for me to make something happen. And then voila, there it is. So I'm not one to write my goals down. Usually if I do it usually goes on a piece of paper. Or a little book and then I put it away and then I find it like a year later and then I'm like, oh yeah, that goal. And usually it has happened. 

So this is how I usually work. And sometimes I feel like society.  Like all the things online, tell me I'm doing it wrong. That I need to write down my goals and I need to create an action plan and all of these things. And I know that that's probably the most direct way of doing things is like having it right in front of you, but I've never worked that way.  I sort of like how I think … make things happen in my life. 

I kind of do them on my own time. And in my own way, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer, but I am okay with that. For example, like when I started college, I started right outside of high school or right after high school. i went to college for about a year and a half, and then some life circumstances pulled me in a different way… or some life choices, I should say, pulled me in a different way. And now that there were the best life choices, but they led me in a direction. I wouldn't take it back for the world because I learned so much. 

And then I came back to my degree and finally finished in 2009. So it took me like nine years, basically, to finish my undergrad degree. One that I probably could have finished in definitely in four years, maybe three and a half, if I went right to it. But! I gained a lot of life experiences along the way that I wouldn't trade for the world. 

The same kind of thing happened for my master's degree. I took a break after my undergrad and I worked and in a completely different sphere of life and I got all sorts of more life experiences and really figured out who I was at the time, what I wanted to do with my life. And then I came back to it. For me, music has been the thing that pulls me back. 

So, I ended up getting my, you know, my master's. I got two master's degrees in music performance. So you know, for me it always ends up happening. I know generally where I want to go, but just sometimes it takes me a little bit more time and honestly, I love it.  As I grow older and a little bit wiser, I’d like to think I do see the value in mentors and I don't need to reinvent the wheel every time, which has been a wonderful thing to kind of discover. But I'm still me and how I get things done. Sometimes this does mean experiencing “life” type-two-fun along the way. As I suffer, figuring out how to get from point A to point B.  But it's always worth it in the end. 

So going back to January… Folks are setting goals and trying to stick to them, (keep it up if you're still getting to the gym five days a week, we are like, three weeks in). 

So good job. But I think January is not only for personal goal setting for many, but it's become. sort of like a mainstream thing to do. And there are these different, you know, everybody signs up for a gym or everybody does this in January. And one of those things that is very popular and I'm not knocking it at all, but it's “Sober January.” I think it's rad. 

I mean, for a bulk of folks out there, you have binged on holiday nog and you party hardy for New Year's Eve. Which was a ton of fun, but I mean, who wants to continue to deal with the hangovers and feeling meh? So “Sober January” is an excellent opportunity to set a goal of no alcohol or whatever your vice is( usually it's alcohol), for one month.  I feel like the one month thing is very important for people to be able to like put their minds around. Okay. I have 30 days and I'm going to do this for whatever reason people do it, whether they want to try to be sober beyond, and that month is like, okay, this is the starting point. And they continue, or if it's just to kind of gain a little bit of clarity of mind and feel better after the crazy holidays. And that is an awesome plan as well. So, whatever the case may be, “Sober January” is definitely a thing. 

 I've never done a sober January. I've never done this over January, except for the last four.  years and five months. And before September 27th. 2019, I'd never done a sober anything really, since I was about 16 years old, except for a very short stint of time, (like I mentioned) before in college where I had some health stuff in 2002 and took some about a year and was “good to myself” because of those health things, But otherwise,  I hadn't been sober since I was about 16 years old. I've always relied on my vices and whether that be alcohol or other stuff.  And till about 2018, and I never really saw an issue with it for myself. 

I was very functional, no matter how bad it got. Yes, I had my lows and highs and, you know, in school sometimes in my undergrad grades really showed it, but overall I managed to be a very accomplished alcoholic and whatever else I was dealing with. I was very very functional. 

So I'm not going to go into too much detail, but in 2019, I ended up moving from Portland, Oregon to Phoenix, Arizona. And I just needed a change of scenery. I didn't realize at the time that I was leaning towards sobriety, because I also didn't think it was an issue. But what I didn't realize was that my need for change wasn't necessarily in my surroundings, even though that did help, but it was more so in my behaviors. I do think that the transition was much needed and was a fundamental part of my recovery process. 

You know, in the Pacific Northwest things that lent to my habits where like, you know, I lived a block away from my favorite bar and I always had friends that I met at that bar. And I would study at that bar and the bartender knew my name, etc., etc. You know, it was always gloomy, not always, but you know, it was very often like gloomy and rainy. So what are you going to do? You know, these, these types of things. And so, you know, in sunny AZ you no longer have those gloomy days and usually you want to be outside most of the time and, and things like that. So it really kind of opened my eyes. Also, when I moved here, I was solo. So I was drinking often or most often besides with my, a couple of roommates by myself. And was sort of realizing like, how much I was really drinking and kind of what that meant to me. So among numerous other red flags.  It was clear to me that something needed to give this is where the type two fund comes in. 

First of all, I deal with major social anxiety like group anxiety, anxiety going to new places, anxiety meeting new folks. If you know me personally, you would probably never imagine unless I've told you, but it is a real thing for me. Anyway, my social lubricant used to be alcohol. That's how I dealt with doing new things. 

So shortly after moving to Arizona within two months, I decided to stop drinking. I had started talking with a woman who was a recovering alcoholic and she was telling me about her experience and what that meant for her. And it got me thinking and you know, she wasn't selling the sobriety at all. She was just telling you about it and I realized that this was something that I wanted to change in my life. I didn't know if I could, I didn't know what that meant, but I started thinking about it. 

Like I said, two months after I met her and started talking to her about it, I decided to stop drinking. This meant that I had to meet new folks and attend gatherings with strangers sober. I was like, “OH NO!” Like, “THIS IS HORRIBLE, TRULY HORRIBLE!”  But it taught me a lot of things. And I lived through it and I still live through it. I still get horrible social anxiety, but I have learned how to cope. 

Number one, it's always helpful to have another person with me that I know really well. 

So now it's my partner. And he's super, he's always great. We have code words. If I need to leave, he knows when I, you know, we, we can hold our own. We're not always like together together in a, in a social setting, but he also knows when to talk me down from like, not wanting to go. Like if I say, “no, I don't want to go,” you know, he always understands it might be the anxiety talking. So we talk through that. So it's really wonderful. 

 I've also through doing social gatherings, especially sober. It's taught me how to have a conversation. Like, a real conversation with folks and I've gotten to know people much better on a personal level than I have in the past. I've learned how to listen better and more actively, and I've learned how to ask questions. Yes, I still get major anxiety, but these tools have really helped me cope with the situation.  Also, I'm usually able to remember the prison's name when I see them next time, which is a first for me, I was horrible with names, but also it's the alcohol talking, so of course they wouldn't remember people's names. And then also, usually I can always exit quietly and drive home if need be when I get overwhelmed, because I am not tipsy at the wheel. And I never have a hangover the next day! So that's awesome as well.  

… I think the biggest struggle in this whole thing, this whole sobriety thing is when, anytime I think, “Oh, I can never have another Manhattan or I can never have a dry martini with three olives,” I get super overwhelmed and I get sad and I get frustrated. This isn't fair, that kind of thing. And I think like, “how am I going to live my life?  Oh that long.”  I mean, that could be ages. And it feels very overwhelming. Addicts often talk about “one day at a time…One thing at a time.”

And there's really something to that. And when I was thinking about that, (because I think especially around the holidays, sometimes it's just around more with all the ads on TV and things like that. And so it's just kind of in your face a little bit more. And so I started thinking about it and I started thinking, you know, This is kind of  like a big adventure. And how would I make it through a big adventure? Well, yes, I would just take one step at a time, one pedal stroke at a time, one breath at a time. 

And sometimes in those adventures, you really are just going from one minute to the next, just thinking, okay, just the next minute, the next signpost, like whatever you need and that gets you through it. Because you can't conceivably think of the whole adventure or the whole mountain or that kind of thing, or the whole, your whole life.  

Most days I probably, I would say probably four out of seven days. I don't even think about it. 

I just go day to day. But the thing is, I can't choose when those days are. And sometimes it hits me by surprise. And those three days of the week that I do think about alcohol or that I do think about my sobriety, sometimes they're very tricky to navigate. And I know that everyone deals with their sobriety differently.  I feel very fortunate to have a mind that is like a bull, like a big bull. I'm very stubborn and planted in my ways and have a mind that once it's set up to think a certain way, if I don't want to change it, I won't. 

This has helped me through many things in life, but especially I think it helps me. It helped me quit cigarettes…Like, once I made that choice and it was with the right incentive, and the right frame of mind, I was able to quit cold-turkey..same with drinking.  Once I decided to quit, I quit. And the mindset: this grit and endurance and this stubbornness, this is the same mind that helps me get through these ultra endurance events and the multi-day suffer fests on the bike, and the hard workouts. 

I feel like sobriety for me is one of the largest multi-day interest events that I could have ever signed up for. I don't think I was fully prepared, but it has taught me a lot of things about myself and about my support system. I don't think I could do it alone. Yes, it's a very personal thing, but I surround myself with folks that don't give a shit if I drink or not. They don't tease me. They don't offer it to me. 

And most importantly, they don't ask why.  I think that's important. So if you're listening and you you don't have to worry about your qualms with alcohol or substance or anything like that, if you have friends that do, I think that's important to just be support for them and understand that sometimes we don't even know the reason why, but we just don't. We don't need to. We don't. You know, it's that kind of thing. So that support is really important. And I've also surrounded myself, quite a few of my fellow riding and running buddies are also sober as well, which I didn't even know. And it just comes up like if we're at an after hours event and we're sitting there being the only two or three [folks] drinking that sparkling water instead of a beer. And I'm really grateful for that comradery. 

So I guess in a nutshell, I wanted to share my story of sobriety.  Because it just occurred to me that it is something, whether it's sobriety or whether it's another decision, that's really hard in our lives. We can apply the same grit and the same “go get them attitude” and goals and things like that. Like the one step at a time idea to any of the adventures that we're taking. And, you know, there's a lot, we can't control. Like when we're in the outdoors, we can't control if a thunder storm comes in. We can't control if all of a sudden it's snowing, we can't control how early it gets dark or you know, if there's an animal in our path. We can't control that stuff. And that's one of the biggest things I think is just having the tools to adapt and to create an environment that is in as much control as we are able and also to let go of the things we can't control. I think it's important to remember because it gives you the strength to stay true to yourself and to do the things you need to, to be successful. 

So for those of you who are participating in “Sober January,” I applaud you. And for all of you.  Sober sisters and brothers out there. I applaud you as well for whatever y'all are going through at the moment. Remind yourself that you are strong! And it's just one step and one bite, and one day at a time, maybe one minute at a time, one breath at a time. And you'll eventually reach your top of the mountain that day or that week, or that month. And the art of it all is just learning how to navigate in the best way there is for you and you alone and having that support system with you. So happy January and happy 2024 everybody!  Here's to another year of adventures and Type 2 Fun! Signing out!